You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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