Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Randomize
