So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
