you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
