Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
