Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
