I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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