literally had 100 drinks last night.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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