i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
