i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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