i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
not ubering you a puppy
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
