so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
we're so committed to being not committed
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
