I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
