So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
