I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
