But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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