Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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