Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
