He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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