I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
