apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish i was in the wii world.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
