i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
