Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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