it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
