A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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