oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
