it hurts more in the daytime
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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