That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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