I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
