I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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