the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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