I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
