i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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