You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
