don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
