Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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