fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
