I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
your room smells of hookers.
And success
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
