i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
