No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
it was like his penis was on wheels.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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