i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
