I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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