Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
