just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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