I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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