i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
