After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I am one with the molecules
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
