Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
