guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
