So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
