You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
And then my night got REAL pukey
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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