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• (516): View more from New York

  Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Omg suz!! take the unibrow off

  (516): View more from New York

  No! im just getting hammered instead

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.

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• (516): View more from New York

  you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish

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• (623): View more from Arizona

  Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.

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• (619): View more from California

  Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...

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• (760): View more from California

  I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  I might as well just sew it shut at this point.

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  You smell like a steam boat captain.

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Whatever your on right now, I want.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me

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• (949): View more from California

  I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious

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• (323): View more from California

  I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.

  Fav 0 59 17

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