I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
