i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
