good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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