You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
