One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
